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Oblivion

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FRAO/NC-17 rated

Oblivion

Just a few notes to begin with.

1. Thanks and apologies to Nautibitz for the idea of the shower. Absolutely necessary for the story, of course… but I did, I admit, get the idea from “Magic Hands”, which happens to be one of my favourite fics.

2. Grief is a strange thing; different people deal with it in different ways. Buffy’s way may not appeal to a great many of you, but I know of people who’ve done it. Was tempted to myself, once, but that’s another story.

3. Grateful thanks to one of my friends who helped me through a period of grieving – I put her very useful, comforting words to me into Spike’s mouth: “You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know…”

4. This is AU-ish, as, of course, Buffy doesn't sleep with Spike till season 6 in the series... but I wrote this before seeing season 6, and wondered how she managed to keep her hands off Spike for so long! So in my version - she doesn't!

5. And no, most of them aren’t my fantasies. Apart from the biting…;) Thanks to all those who gave me ideas!

6. Be warned. If you’re trying the ice cream thing at home, it gets sticky. I’m not kidding you. You’ll need to have a shower right after (or you actually will stick together) - but hey - you can have fun in the shower too! ;)


7. If I’ve forgotten something I should have said, imagine it’s here. And yes, it’s pointless, Spuffy-fluffy smut, with very little plot. I’m well aware of this. It’s just an excuse for me to 'get my vicarious smoochies' as Willow would say!


************************

Buffy sat in the slowly darkening house, feeling small and cold and alone. She hated being in the house now. It seemed so empty with her mother gone, and with Dawn staying with Willow and Tara. She punched out her father’s phone number. ‘Great. Receptionist. Again.’ Then she tried Angel Investigations. Answerphone.

Unable to face the cold loneliness any further, she flung on her coat and went out into the twilight. She walked for an hour, patrolling if anyone had asked her. But in reality, just walking. There was only one person left she could talk to right now. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Slayer?” He was surprised she hadn’t just barged in as usual.

“Uh – hi. Um, can I come in?” barely noticing he was only wearing his denims.

“Sure.” He stood aside for her to enter, closing the crypt door behind her. “Business or social?”

“What? Oh, social. Kind of.”

“Drink? Can’t offer you much. Got some wine somewhere… some brandy… whisky…”

“Uh… anything non-alcoholic?”

“Milk or water.”

“Milk, then.” She didn’t even bother to ask why he had them.

He handed her a mug of milk, motioning her to sit down. She remained standing. “So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” he asked dryly.

She looked uncomfortable, and sipped at her milk, then put it down carefully. “Just – well, I thought I’d…” She caught the look in his eyes. “Couldn’t bear to be in the house on my own any longer,” she admitted.

“Where’s Dawn, then?” he asked, surprised.

“Still at Willow and Tara’s. Still not talking to me. Still blaming me for everything.”

“Want me to have a word?”

“No, no, I’ll deal with it. It’s just – you know, mom not being there. I felt so lonely…” A single tear trickled down her cheek. “Oh God…” she sobbed into her hands.

She felt him lifting her gently, sitting with her on his lap, cradling her in his arms.

He could feel the sobs wracking her body as she clung to him, her tears rolling down his bare chest as he rocked her gently like a child, whispering soothingly to her: “Sh, love, it’s okay. That’s right, have a good cry. Get it all out of you. There’s a good girl,” stroking her hair gently. “Sh, now, I’m here, you’re not alone, I’ll look after you…” Her sobs quietened slowly, ending in a soft snuffle.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to… I mean, I didn’t come here to cry…”

“Don’t suppose you did. But you needed to. And you’ll need to cry some more. You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know. This isn’t part of slayer duties. It’s your life. Sometimes you need to just let go…” He could see that tears were threatening to fall again. “Look, d’you want to stay here tonight? I can make it more comfy…”

“No, really, I…” She looked shocked.

“No, love, not like that! Just – so you don’t have to go home. I don’t sleep at night anyway, so it’s no problem,” he amended hastily.

She looked at him doubtfully. ‘It would be good not to have to go home tonight. But – stay here with Spike?’ She weighed it up in her mind. “Would you mind?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I did.”

“Well – okay, then.”

She sipped her milk as he found out some cushions and an extra-thick, soft blanket to add to the existing covers. “There. All done,” he said, lifting her back onto his lap, where she nestled comfortably, tucking her head under his chin.

‘Strange – shouldn’t feel so comfortable and comforting,’ she thought.

“So. Why did you come round, then?”

“Just to talk, really. For the company.”

“Willow and – oh, yeah, sorry, forgot. Xander and – okay, yeah, probably at it like rabbits, but don’t tell Anya I mentioned bunnies. Giles?” he asked, surprised that she was talking to him rather than to one of her other friends.

“Just tells me how sorry he is and that I have to be strong.”

“Hmph. Your dad?”

“Receptionist. He’s not taking my calls.”

There was a slight pause. “Angel?”

“Keep getting the answerphone. And anyway, he’s not here, he’s in LA.”

“S’pose. What did you want to talk about?”

“Just – stuff. In some ways, to talk about mom. In others, to forget…”

“Great lady, your mother. Always had a cuppa for me… intelligent, cultured. Always liked chatting to her.”

Buffy felt a pang of guilt. ‘If his invitation hadn’t been revoked…’ “Can’t have seen much of her recently,” she said ruefully.

He smiled. “She came round here sometimes. After work, or if you were out.”

“She came here? To be with you?”

“Not like that,” he said gently. “We’d sit and chat, have a drink or two. Then I’d walk her home if it was dark.”

“What did you talk about?”

“All sorts of stuff. Literature – she used to read some of my stuff and help me make it better – you know, like a critic. And we’d talk about Shakespeare, and Byron, and Keats, and… well, loads of stuff. Then – we’d talk about places we’d visited. She loved hearing about Prague, Paris, London – what they were like when I was there, what had changed. Often, though, she just wanted to talk about Dawn – and you.”

“Me? What about me?”

“Well – she didn’t like to ask Giles much, and didn’t want to seem to be nagging you… she just wanted to know about the slaying. What a slayer was. How you did it. How much danger you were in. What would happen if you were attacked by a group of demons…”

“What did you tell her?”

“The truth.”

“Which was?”

“That they’d have to kill me first. Before I’d let anything happen to you. That I always shadowed you on patrol. Just in case.” He let the words sink in. ‘She knew that I love you…’ he thought, but didn’t dare add it.

“’A friend in need is a friend indeed,’” she murmured. “Why is it I can always count on you more than the others?”

‘Because I’m in love with you,’ he thought, but shrugged and said, “Well, they’ve got their own lives to lead – jobs and studies and stuff. I don’t. So I help you instead. Gotta do something.”

It sounded so reasonable. But she knew he’d omitted the most important part. “So – did she come here often?”

“No, not really. Sometimes brought round some blood for me, or to lend me a book. Got one here still, actually – Shakespeare sonnets… better take it when you go.”

She smiled gently. “Bound in white leather, by any chance?”

He nodded. “Little card in, flowers on it – roses and mallows.”

“Keep it,” she said softly. “She’d have liked that. And at least I know now who bought those flowers for her coffin.”

He looked flustered. “Er – how?”

“I gave her the book. My last mother’s day present before I was called. I made the card myself. No one else knew about the card, though – just her and me. It was our secret… I guess she must’ve been really fond of you to lend you that. She’d’ve liked you to have it. So keep it.” She paused a while. “I think – she really was kinda fond of you. Once she got to know you. I mean, not like – uh…”

He smiled. “I know. Don’t worry, it was never like that.”

“Good.” She was relieved. ‘Giles and mom was bad enough – but Spike and mom…’

“Not that she wasn’t a very attractive lady,” twinkled Spike, trying to lighten the atmosphere. “And under other circumstances – I mean, if she hadn’t been your mother…”

“Jeez, is sex the only thing you think about?”

He grinned. “No, that’s Xander. And I was only teasing.”

“Oh! Right.”

“Mind you, vampires do tend to think about sex a lot…”

“Really?”

“Oh, c’mon, you dated Angel for, what, two, three years? Surely you noticed?”

“Well, uh – no, not really. I mean, the whole soul thing…”

“Yeah, didn’t stop him thinking about it, though, did it? Just couldn’t act on it.”

“He – never mentioned it.”

“No, probably wouldn’t, the prudish poof.”

“Not a poof.”

“Is.”

“Is not!”

“So is.”

“He dated me, for God’s sake!”

“Yeah, but what about other people?”

“He once said he’d dated lots of girls like Faith,” she said triumphantly.

“And what about the blokes?”

“He didn’t…”

“C’mon, Slayer, surely you know more about vampires than that!”

“What d’you mean?”

‘Bugger. She doesn’t know.’ “Ah – well, thing is, love, uh – most vampires are – um – bisexual.”

“What?!”

“I mean, they tend to have preferences, like, but will occasionally go with a vampire of the same sex…”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No.” Small pause. “If it’s any consolation, Angel always preferred the girls. And so do I.”

“So – uh, have you…?”

“Yeah. Once.” ‘Don’t ask who with, please don’t ask who with…’

“Who with?”

‘Shit.’ “Angel.” Her head flew up.

“You and Angel? God. I think I preferred the image of you and mom…”

“Sorry. Didn’t know you didn’t know.” There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

“Did – did you love him?” she asked tentatively. A look of pain crossed his features.

“In a way.” He looked at her. “Yes. I loved him. As much as you do now. Don’t any more though,” he added defiantly.

“What was it like?” she asked, curious despite herself.

“Bloody painful!” he grunted. “Not exactly Mr. Sensitive Niceguy when we were… anyway…” He looked embarrassed.

“Still painful as Mr. Sensitive Niceguy, actually,” she said, almost to herself. “Though in a different way…” she said regretfully as she gazed at Spike. “Don’t think you were missing much.”

“Maybe not,” he agreed, brushing away a tear from her cheek.

She smiled, looking at him. ‘Such soft, smooth, cool skin… like satin…’ she thought. She remembered the way he’d kissed her under Willow’s spell, when they got engaged. How it had made her feel. She felt herself wanting to kiss him. “Uh – maybe I should go…” she said, trying to disentangle herself from his arms.

“Why?” he asked, bemused.

“Uh – just…”

“What, the whole Angel thing? Look, it was a hundred years ago!”

“No, not that, just – nothing.”

“Got to be some reason,” he said, holding on to her. “At least tell me what I’ve done!”

“Nothing!” she said, struggling against him. ‘Got to get away before I do something really stupid!’ “It’s just me – really, not important!”

“Then you don’t need to go. If it’s not important. For God’s sake, Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I…” Unable to stop herself any longer, she leant forward and kissed him frantically full on the mouth.

When she pulled away slightly, blushing, he looked at her and smiled. “You could just have asked, you know,” he teased softly.

“Uh, no, I didn’t mean – I mean, I don’t know what happened, why I…” ‘Why I suddenly want him to fuck me senseless…’ she thought, shocked.

“Sh…” he said, bringing her mouth back to his and kissing her gently, sensually, unhurriedly. “There. Better?”

“Uh – kind of… look, I didn’t mean to… didn’t come here to…”

“I know. It’s okay,” he soothed.

“It’s – okay?”

“Mm. Just tell me what you want…” he said, tracing patterns on her back with his fingertips.

“I – er…”

“Or shall I guess? You want me to fuck you into oblivion. No strings attached. Just sex.” He waited for the look of horror, the heated denial. The stake.

She stared at him. ‘God, the way he’d said it so calmly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world...’The patterns on her back became more intricate. She closed her eyes, trying just to feel. The quietness of the crypt enveloped her, invited her, enticed her. “Yes, you’re right…” she murmured, barely aware she was saying it aloud. “Though that’s not quite how I’d have put it…”

“How do you want it?” he whispered.

“However you want to give it to me. However many times. You’re in charge. Over to you till dawn…” ‘Do whatever you want with me, I don’t care,’ she thought, suddenly abandoning everything that belonged to the outside world. Tonight was for forgetting, for abandoning, for pushing away all she should be, and just being and doing whatever came naturally, for healing. Not for thoughts of right and wrong or good and bad.

He regarded her a moment, thinking of all the things he‘d like to do, then changed his mind. Whether she realised it or not, she‘d come to him to heal and soothe her grief, to find a haven and an escape in his bed. ‘Just sex‘, however good, wouldn‘t help her, much as they might both like it. No, this had to be for her. “Maybe what I want to do is to realise your fantasies,” he murmured, nibbling at her earlobe and trying to convince himself that it wasn’t a dream. “So… what turns you on, then? Being undressed with no hands? Being tied up? Covered in ice cream and licked clean? Being bitten by a vampire? Getting yourself off while someone watches? Having it up the arse?”

She was blushing furiously. “Jeez, read my diary much?” she spluttered.

“Never seen it,” he grinned. “Which one was it?”

“Uh – well – um, I…”

“Oh, all of them.”

“Uh – you know – you don’t have to – uh, you know, do any of that…”

“Where do you want me to start?” he whispered laughingly. “Or shall I surprise you?”

“Uh – surprises are good. So long as they’re nice ones.” ‘God, what am I doing?’

“Oh, it’ll be nice, love,” he crooned. “So nice, so nice, love…”

“Uh…” She wondered briefly if this was such a good idea after all. But Spike had already started undressing her, only using his hands to caress her when the items of clothing had hit the pile on the floor. Then the rest of his clothes joined hers.

“Much better,” he rasped gently in her ear, as he stood holding her against him. “Now then…” he carried her over to the bed. “Hm, where shall we start?” He smiled softly. “How about you start yourself off, love?”

She gulped, suddenly feeling panicky. “Uh…”

He sensed her panic. “Hm, maybe you need some warming up first… ye-esss… that’s what you need. Lie on your front.”

Her eyes widened, but she lay on the bed, face down, wondering what he was going to do. What he did was the last thing she’d expected of him. ‘But it felt so good…’ “Oh, yes…” she murmured, toes curling as his hands eased the tension in her neck and shoulders, working down her back, kneading and massaging her entire body until she was totally relaxed. “Mm, that was another fantasy,” she smiled lazily. He sat on the pillow by her head.

“Turn over, love.” She turned over, suddenly finding herself between his legs, her head propped up on his thigh. “That’s it,” he murmured reassuringly, massaging her scalp gently. “You like that, don’t you, love?”

“Mm… ‘s nice.”

He took her hand and gently kissed the tip of her index finger, before guiding it slowly between her legs, his other hand gently stroking her hair. “That’s it, love… good, just like that…” he whispered approvingly as she started stroking herself gently. It wasn’t long before she was moaning.

Spike couldn’t believe his luck. ‘If this is a dream, I never want to wake up,’ he thought, watching her through half-closed eyes.

“Oh, yes…” so softly only a vampire could hear it. “Oh, yes, Spike…”

His eyes flew open as she turned her head sharply to take him into her mouth, moaning as she did so. ‘It couldn’t be a dream, even he could never think up anything quite that inventive!’ “Oh, yes, pet, like that!” he rasped, as she bucked against her hand, her screams muffled by him as she sucked wildly, swallowing avidly as he spurted into her.

She lay back, head still propped on his thigh, breathing shallowly. He took the opportunity to slide from under her and tie her firmly to the bed. She blinked up at him. “What are you going to do now?” she asked. He smiled slowly.

“Got some ice cream in the fridge,” he said conversationally. “You’ve no idea how good chocolate ice cream and blood milkshake tastes…” She wrinkled her nose in distaste, but he continued. “Double chocolate. Dark and white swirled. Mm, lovely stuff. Can’t wait to lick it all off you… watch it melting with the heat of you, trickling down that beautiful body of yours… mm, licking it all off a drop or two at a time till you beg for me…” He stroked his fingers lightly up and down her spread-eagled body. “Like the sound of that, love?”

“Yes,” she whimpered softly, closing her eyes.

Spike was warm compared to the ice cream that he spooned onto her, watching it melt slightly before adding the next spoonful, working his way achingly slowly down her body. “Now comes the fun part,” he murmured, teasing his tongue down her, avoiding any part of her that might conceivably turn her on. ‘Leave those till later…’ he thought to himself.

Buffy gasped. ‘The fantasies and dreams really hadn’t done him justice!’ she thought as he swirled his tongue in her navel, and worked his way back up to her breasts. She moaned again, then started screaming as he licked gently, slowly, softly between her legs, ice cream mixed with her juices. She writhed frantically against the bonds, hands clenching and toes curling. “Oh, God, yes! Oh Spike, yes, yes!!” she screamed as he licked the last few drops from around her opening.

He lay down beside her as she panted, sliding an arm under her head. “You okay, love?” he asked, caressing the side of her neck with his fingertips.

“Mm.” Her brain couldn’t cope with anything more meaningful than that. “So,” she asked eventually, “do I get to lick ice cream off you now?”

She was surprised by the look of tenderness he gave her. “Maybe later,” he murmured, kissing her cheek.

She felt tears stinging her eyes. “Never thought of you as being the sensitive type,” she said unsteadily, looking into the grey-blue eyes. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her.

“What changed your mind?”

“Just – the way you look at me.”

He smiled. “Here’s another reason,” he whispered, covering her entirely with his body as he kissed her softly on the lips, cradling the side of her face gently with his free hand.

It was certainly a surprise to her. She hadn’t expected gentleness, tenderness, understanding. Part of her was freaking out about that. She’d expected him to do what he wanted. It hadn’t occurred to her that what he wanted might be to make her happy, to do what she wanted, whatever it happened to be. No one had ever done that before. And he was the last person on earth she’d thought might be like that. She kissed him back, finding to her surprise that she actually rather liked the way he was kissing her, leisurely, relaxed... it was nice. Except – that she wanted to hold him, touch him, wrap her arms round him… “Spike?” she whispered.

“Mm?”

“Would you – untie me? Please?”

He looked worried. “Why, love?”

“I – I just – want – to be able to hold you while you kiss me,” she stammered, blushing. He smiled, and kissed her forehead.

“Keep it at my pace?”

“I – I’ll try.”

He untied her, and settled back down, pulling the covers over them. “Better?”

“Mm…” She wrapped her arms round him, delighting in the feel of his muscles rippling under her fingers. It wasn’t like the tender breathlessness of her first time with Angel. ‘Or like…’ she couldn’t think of the right adjective ‘sex with Riley.’ This was different somehow. This was someone who didn’t care about what happened to him. He only wanted to please her. And it wasn’t new to either of them, so there was no fear - her only time with Angel had been marred by nerves, and she hadn‘t really enjoyed it all that much, if she was honest. ‘It felt – right? As though it was meant to be. And comfortable,’ she thought as he kissed her. ‘He certainly hasn’t wasted his decades of unlife,’ she added mentally. ‘Knows what he’s doing with a girl’s body…’

Spike cuddled the blankets around them further. ‘Don’t want her to catch a chill,’ he thought absently, looking down into her greeny-hazel eyes. “Sure you want to carry on? I mean, if you change your mind, you know, just say.”

She shook her head. “No. Don’t stop,” she whispered. She looked straight into his eyes, and said tremulously, “I’ve – I’ve never – been with anyone – who really cared what I wanted. It was always about them, or what they thought I wanted. No one ever even asked about my fantasies before. Let alone act on them, try them out with me.”

“You’ve been bitten twice by vampires,” he reasoned, pitying her from the bottom of his heart, and resolving all the more to make as many of her dreams come true as possible.

“Yeah, but not – you know…”

“An act of love?”

“Yeah,” she blushed. “Just – well, with Angel, only my blood would have saved him. So I made him do it. We weren’t even together at the time. And Dracula…” she made a face, “just wanted to play with me. Play with my mind.”

“Evil, poncey bastard!” he spat out viciously. “Sorry, love,” he said more calmly. “Just – when I think of it…” He realised how hard he was gripping hold of the pillow and released it gently. “Sorry.” He touched her face lightly. “Makes me mad. What he did to you. What Angel did…”

“Don’t,” she said softly, smiling. “You know what they say, third time lucky!”

He kissed her gently and cuddled her close, his cheek resting against hers. “Well. You can decide that later!”

Her mouth searched out his, and his hands continued their gentle exploration of her. She felt like crying at his unexpected gentleness and protectiveness, making her feel that she wasn’t alone any more, he was there for her, knowing her, understanding her like no one else in the world. It hadn’t been what she’d planned, this tenderness that was closer to making love than just sex, but it made her feel so loved and comfortable she didn’t want him to stop. Ever. It was - well, perfect.

The feel of him nudging at her entrance distracted her from her thoughts. She opened her eyes to look at him.

“Stop or carry on?”

She took a deep breath. “Carry on,” she whispered, reaching her arms round him. She gasped as he entered her, sliding into her fully so that his hips snuggled against hers, filling her completely, stretching her almost to the point of pain. ‘Almost… pain…’ she thought. ‘But… oh, it feels so good…’ She whimpered softly in desire, arching into him, begging him with her mouth against his, hands roaming all over him. He pulled away from her slightly.

“My pace,” he reminded her.

She nodded mutely, and he set up a slow, easy rhythm that made her moan, begging him to go faster. But he wouldn’t, staying slow until it was nearly driving them both crazy. He gritted his teeth, knowing he couldn’t keep it in much longer. ‘Got – slayer – exactly – where – I – want – her,’ he thought. ‘Begging – for me – wanting me – so much – she can’t – think – of anything – else.’ Oh, yes, this was where he wanted her – in his bed, ‘screaming – like – a bloody – banshee,’ he thought as she climaxed and he let himself flood into her, feeling her panting body still writhing under his, her hands and mouth all over him. He pulled her close to calm her. “Better?” he soothed. He could tell from her eyes that she still felt slightly dizzy. She nodded, nestling close to him.

“Never – felt – that good – with anyone – before,” she murmured in a dazed voice.

“Good…” he whispered as he tugged at her earlobe gently with his teeth.

“Never thought – it was possible – for it – to feel – that good,” she went on.

“Better feelings than that, love,” he purred. “Want me to show you?”

“Mm…” She closed her eyes.

The next thing she was aware of was a heavily lubricated finger easing itself inside her tight channel. Her eyes flew open. “Uh…”

“Easy, pet. Just lie still,” he soothed. “Never done this before, have you, love?”

She shook her head. “Will it hurt?”

He looked at her honestly. “A bit, to begin with. It gets better.” He wiggled his finger inside her experimentally and smiled at the soft sob of pleasure that escaped her. “See?”

“Ng…” He added a second finger to prepare her as much as possible, strong fingers stretching her gently. She thrust back against his hand unconsciously, and he chuckled.

“Like it, love?” he teased gently with both words and fingers as she squirmed at the feel of him.

“Uh…” She felt as though she was being consumed by blinding white heat. Then the fingers were gone, and she flopped onto the bed, disappointed.

Then she felt his cool hands on either cheek, massaging, gently pulling them apart, felt him cool, wet from the lubricant against her and moaned lightly, getting up on her knees to make it easier for him. He pushed slowly inside her, trying not to hurt her, intensely aware of the heat of the tight channel that only he had ever entered. She let out a sob of pain.

“Sh, love, it’s okay,” he murmured, calming her. “Nearly there. Won’t hurt much longer…”

“Hurts…”

“Want me to stop?”

“No.” She swallowed. “Just…”

“’S all right, love. You know I’ll be gentle,” he said softly, fingertips caressing her neck and back. “Never want to hurt you, pet. Never,” he said, sliding all the way into her. ‘Oh, God, that feels good!’

He eased himself in and out of her, murmuring calming words to comfort her until she whimpered, want moistening her inner thighs and flowing over him with every gentle thrust. ‘So, she likes it, then!’ “Sure you don’t want me to stop?” he enquired innocently.

“Stop – and – I’ll – stake you!” she ground out, thrusting back against him.

“Okay then,” he replied, reaching a hand round between her splayed legs, stroking her mound with his thumb. “Want me to stop this?” he teased.

“God – no!” she mewled. “Don’t stop!”

He thrust two fingers into her, contorting his hand to try to find her g- spot. “Stop now?”

“Don’t – stop!” she yelped. He added a third finger.

“Now?”

“No!” She was thrusting back so eagerly against him that he let his other hand leave her hip to reach forward to tease one of her hardened nipples. She yelped with pleasure, thrusting back faster and faster.

“Want me to carry on?” he gasped out, knowing he couldn’t for much longer.

“Yes! Yes! Don‘t you dare stop!” she moaned as he turned his attention to her other nipple. “Oh, yes, Spike!” she cried out as they both collapsed on the bed.

“Buffy! Oh, God, Buffy…” ‘Dazedness seems to be catching…’ he thought deliriously as he lay on top of her. He lay still, breathing unnecessarily in time with her. When she’d calmed down, he pulled out of her gently and turned her onto her side to face him. “You okay?”

She nodded. “You?”

“Very. More than. Never better.” He kissed her gently. “Never felt that way before. In all this time…” he said, so softly she could barely hear it. Then he noticed tears in her eyes. “Buffy, love, did I hurt you? I…” he began concernedly.

She shook her head. “No, just – well, yes, a bit, but that’s not why…”

He held her trembling body against him. “What, love? What’s the matter?”

She buried her head against his shoulder, holding him tightly. “Don’t – know,” she said in a half sob. “God, how pathetic…”

He stroked her hair gently. “Pathetic’s one word I would never use to describe you,” he said firmly. “Strong, sexy, beautiful and a bloody good fighter, maybe. Pathetic, no.”

The half sob turned to a half laugh and she looked up sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“’S okay. Better?” She nodded, and he kissed her on the forehead. Then started tickling her, slowly at first, then faster, making her squirm and laugh.

“Stop it!”

“Aw, you spoil all my fun!” he pouted, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“I don’t! Do I?”

“Well, okay, not tonight,” he amended with a puckish smile. “And if you say, ‘you’re a pig, Spike,’” he warned as she opened her mouth, “I’m dumping you on the door-step!”

Buffy shut her mouth, eyes sparkling with laughter. “Okay, then. Don’t want to spoil your fun, now, do I?” she said.

“Or your own fun, either,” he said with a grin, reaching for a couple of towels.

“You’re… uh…” she caught his smirk, “uh… so, why the towels?”

“Just because I’m a vampire doesn’t mean I don’t have a sense of personal hygiene,” he reprimanded with a smile. “And just because you’ve never noticed any washing facilities doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”

“So…?”

He pulled her up. “Come and have a shower!” he grinned.

She looked surprised, then fluttered her eyelashes at him. “Shower? What luxury!” she quipped. “Didn’t know you even had running water!”

He smiled innocently. “Only cold water. Re-routed from the water mains. Easy if you know how.”

“Rr – cold water!” He turned the water on and she screeched in shock. “Cold? That’s bloody freezing!”

He laughed and grabbed hold of a flannel and some soap. “Maybe a little friction will warm you up!” he said, beginning to wash her.

After a little while, she got used to the temperature of the water and stopped shivering enough to wash him down, feeling strangely shy as she did so. He smiled at her blush, and kissed her gently, once, as the water cascaded over them. Then he turned the water off, wrapping a fluffy towel round her and holding her a while before drying himself off.

Buffy dried herself carefully, watching him, feeling as though she’d seen a side of him she’d never realised existed before. And also, she’d learnt a lot about sex. She smiled dreamily, thoughtfully.

“Earth to Buffy?”

“Hm?” she asked, looking up at him.

“I said, penny for your thoughts.”

“Oh. Nothing important. Well, maybe it is. Just – that I’d never realised sex could be so much fun before.”

He looked at her, horrified. “Of course it’s fun!” he spluttered. “It should be fun! Why wasn’t it before?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Well, okay, with Angel, kind of obvious – the whole soul thing? And Riley – too much pressure on having a relationship, I think, not enough attention on having fun.” She shrugged. “Guess that’s the way it is in relationships.”

“No,” he said, quietly and firmly, taking her hand. “It doesn’t have to be like that. You can be in a relationship and have fun. It just takes a bit more effort, that’s all. But the results are worth it.”

She gave him a lop-sided smile. “Maybe.”

He smiled, a little sadly. ‘Explains why she shies away from relationships,’ he mused. ‘Broken home, bad relationships herself…Billy trying to betray her to me, Angel losing his soul and betraying her in pretty much every way possible, Scott jilting her, Parker using her, Riley... going to the vampires. Figures, I guess.’ He felt a pang of sympathy for her. “Come on with you,” he chided gently. “Back to bed, or you’ll catch cold!”

“Yes sir!” she laughed as she hopped back into the bed.

“Don’t call me sir!” he said as he rolled on top of her, pinning her to the bed.

“Why? Don’t you like it?” she asked innocently. “Got me where you want me, haven’t you? Not a weapon in sight, and here I am, pinned butt naked to your bed, entirely in your power, at your mercy…”

“Wanting to be in my power!” he growled softly in her ear.

She looked at him, shocked. ‘How the hell did he know that?’ “Uh…”

He chuckled. “Another fantasy, hey? Being at the mercy of a master vampire… without even being in his thrall? Just to see what would happen, how it would feel?” He kissed he neck gently. “Dangerous fantasy, love!”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Except I won’t hurt you,” he added. “Just as well, isn’t it? That why you wanted me to tie you up?” She blushed deeply, and nodded. “Wondered.”

She could feel the aching heat between her legs start up again as he spoke, and whimpered, begging him with her body. He ground his hips against hers, still holding her down against the bed.

“Can’t get enough of me, can you, love?” he purred. She struggled against him, trying to free her arms, but he held her more tightly, wrists buried deep in the pillow, either side of her head.

“Spike…”

He grinned. “You wanted to be at my mercy, love. Now you are. Just lie back and enjoy the ride!”

She tried to pull him inside her by wrapping her legs around him, but he kept on resisting her. “Spike, please!” she begged.

“You want me, don’t you?”

“Yes! Thought – that was – pretty obvious!”

“Want me inside you?”

“Yes! Spike, please!”

“Begging, are you?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m begging! Please!”

He teased at her opening. “What’s it worth?”

She gasped and writhed against him, all sense of reason abandoning her. “Anything, anything. Spike, please!”

“Please what?” he asked, wickedly prolonging her agony of desire.

“Want you – inside me – feel you – moving – thrusting – making me scream – feels so good – please!”

“Anything, then? Anything I ask?” he whispered teasingly.

“Yes, anything, anything, please… oh!” she sobbed in relief as he finally thrust into her, hard and fast, making her head spin.

“So wet – wet for me, little slayer,” he rasped as he thrust into her again and again, making her moan. “Like it rough, don’t you? Kinky little slayer, likes being held down, likes being dominated. You love it, don’t you, pet? Being shagged like this, hard and fast. You love it, don’t you, pet?”

“Yes, yes!” she moaned. “Oh, yes, don’t stop!”

He sped up, and her moans increased. “Want me to fuck you like this forever, don’t you, love?” he crooned.

“Yes! Yes, just like this!”

Another increase of speed, inhumanly fast. ‘Thank all that’s wonderful for vampire speed and stamina!’ he thought. “Want more like this, Buffy? Want me to fuck you faster?”

She writhed under him, bucking against him. “Yes – faster, please, faster!”

With the last increase in speed he gripped her harder, knowing she would thrash around so much with pleasure she’d break free if he didn’t.

Sure enough, it was all he could do to hold her still as she came, using all his strength to hold her down. “Oh, God, yes, Spike!” She screamed before collapsing back onto the bed.

“Not tired yet, are you, love?” he teased. “Not dawn yet, you know.”

“Not – tired,” she said as he let go of her arms.

“Turn over, then.”

She obeyed, flopping onto her front.

“Onto your knees,” he purred, as she complied. “Good girl… like it doggie- style?”

“Never tried it before,” she replied.

“Well, you’ll find out now, won’t you?” he teased. “Mm, lovely view, love – pretty as a picture, and all mine!” ‘For tonight, anyway…’ She blushed.

‘Thank God for slayer strength!’ she thought. ‘And vampire stamina!’ she added mentally as he slid into her again, every thrust hitting her g-spot. It didn’t take long for her to come, loving the feel of him spurting into her, his coolness dousing the fire in her.

She lay panting in his arms, feeling suddenly, after the roughness of the last two times, that she wanted some gentleness. ‘Maybe that’s how he wants me to feel,’ she thought. She nestled close to him, not knowing quite what to say or do.

He wound his fingers in her hair, looking deep into her eyes. “Nearly dawn,” he murmured.

“Mm.” ‘One fantasy you haven’t tried yet…’ she thought, hoping he’d remember.

He smiled. “Close your eyes.”

He kissed her neck gently, searching out a sensitive, unmarked spot. As he found it, she moaned. He looked down at her, at the place on her neck. ‘So sensitive – more than anywhere else on her neck,’ he thought. ‘How could they possibly have missed it?’ He went back to kissing her gently, mouth wandering over her neck and shoulders as he eased himself inside her again.

“Spike…” she whimpered, wanting to feel his teeth in her.

“Sh, love, I know.” ‘Hope I can do this, with the chip an’ all…’

She quivered at his touch, feeling him moving gently in and out of her. His mouth returned to his chosen place on her neck, and he sucked softly on the skin, then bit down gently with his human teeth, nibbling at the skin as her breathing shallowed and she squirmed beneath him. He nipped gently, then, as he morphed into game-face, slid his fangs into her neck. Not even a flicker from the chip, but she was thrashing like a wild animal beneath him. ‘Not from pain, though!’ he thought to himself as he sank his fangs in completely, hearing her mewling in pleasure. He sucked gently once, twice, tasting her blood as her entire body spasmed round him, making him come with her. He drew his fangs out of her as the first rays of sunlight were escaping over the horizon, holding her, limp and satiated, in his arms.

He inspected her neck. Two small, neat pinpricks marking her as his, on the most sensitive place on her neck, were already beginning to heal. He smiled, looking at it. ‘Neater than Angel’s ragged, untidy mark. That could have scarred her badly if she hadn’t had slayer healing,’ he thought. ‘Always was a messy eater.’ Then he looked at Dracula’s mark. ‘Effeminate. As always. AND he had to have her in thrall before he could do it,’ he thought with malicious satisfaction. He kissed his own mark on her as she fell asleep in his arms. ‘Mine, she’s mine, I’ve marked her,’ he thought, as he too fell asleep.



Sunrise was far behind them when she woke, feeling slightly sore and achy. ‘Where am I?’ was her first thought. ‘Did I get into a fight last night, or something?’ She stretched a little, and felt his arms round her, his body curled round hers, holding her tightly. She blinked rapidly, trying to focus. Eventually, she found herself looking into his eyes.

“Morning, love.”

She closed her eyes. ‘Oh, yes, I remember…’ “Mm.”

“Sleep well?”

“Mm,” she smiled, still half asleep. ‘Shouldn’t be here. This should never have happened,’ a voice inside warned. ‘Dangerous to stay…’ She sat up. “I really – should be going,” she yawned.

His disappointed look hurt her more than she cared to admit. “Okay. But before you go – you owe me something, remember?”

She blushed. ‘God, what would he want? A promise was a promise, no way out of it…’ “Yeah.”

He changed his mind at the last moment. He wouldn’t ask for what he’d originally intended, for her to come back to him again, at least once, to share another night like this. He realised he wanted to aske her to do something for herself, rather than something for him - maybe it would prove to her how much he really cared, that he wanted her to do something that would help her. To her surprise, he cupped her face gently in his hands. “I want you to remember a few things for me.”

‘Not what I’d expected!’ “Okay. What?”

“That you don’t always have to be strong - it’s okay to cry, sometimes you need to, everyone does. That sex should be fun, and there should be no shame, no fear in talking about it, asking for what you want. That you can always come to me for that, or when you want someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to comfort you when you‘re at a low ebb, when you just need someone to be there. You can count on me. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what – because I love you!”

He thought she’d hit him for saying it, knowing it wasn’t what she wanted from him. But instead, she wrapped her arms round his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. “Never – done anything – to deserve that kind of friendship,” she said shakily, desperately trying to banish the feelings of guilt for having used him.

“You don’t have to,” he murmured, holding her close, knowing that she was going anyway, and feeling as though his heart would break - wishing he could keep her there a little bit longer, kiss her one more time. “That’s what friends are for.”

She kissed him softly on the cheek, leaving the trail of her tears on his skin, the taste of her on his lips, the scent of her all around him. Then she was gone.

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